Natasha's Adventures in Tonyland
by Keira-House M.D
Summary: Natasha goes undercover at Stark Industries. Or ... Natasha in Iron Man 2 through texts and emails. Part 4 of my 'it's not the most conventional life, but that's why i love it' series.


**Disclaimer: I don't own the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel Comics or any of its characters.**

**I've never tried to do a one-shot all in texts and emails before, but I wanted to try something different and hopefully it turned out ok.**

* * *

**To:** Nick Fury; Phil Coulson; Maria Hill

**From:** Black Widow

**Subject:** Tony Stark mission

No, no, no, no, no.

Just no.

* * *

**To:** Black Widow

**cc: **Phil Coulson; Maria Hill

**From:** Nick Fury

**Subject:** Re: Tony Stark mission

Yes.

* * *

**Darcy: **I didn't know you'd modelled in Tokyo. When did that happen?

**Unknown:** As of two days ago.

**Darcy:** Right … Well you look great.

**Darcy:** What are you up to?

**Unknown:** Babysitting.

**Darcy:** So why do you need …

**Darcy:** Never mind, I probably don't want to know.

* * *

**Tony:** Do you think I can hire Rushman for my next party?

**Tony: **Send all the guests I don't like into the boxing ring with her, then sit back and watch the show.

**Pep: **No.

**Tony:** Pleeeeeaaaaassssssseeeeee.

**Pep:** Still no.

**Pep: **And you have a board meeting in five minutes – where are you?

**Tony: **I'm sorry, Tony Stark cannot respond to your message right now. Please try again later.

**Pep:** Don't even try that, Tony. This meeting has been in your diary for months.

**Tony: **I'm sorry, Tony Stark cannot respond to your message right now. Please try again later.

**Pep:** I know you're in there, Tony. I can hear the AC/DC blasting out of the room.

**Pep:** I will activate JARVIS' protocol _Tony's in the doghouse_ if you do not appear at this meeting in two minutes.

**Pep:** Wearing clothes that aren't grease-stained.

**Tony: **Spoilsport.

**Tony:** I'll be there.

**Tony:** But don't let anyone hand me things.

**To:** Pepper Potts

**From:** Tony Stark

* * *

**Subject:** Sexual Harassment Incident (NOT ME!)

Pep,

Jason Roland from R&D tried to grope Rushman.

HR are going to talk to him after he gets out of hospital.

_Accidents don't just happen. They must be carelessly planned._

* * *

**To:** Tony Stark

**From:** Pepper Potts

**Subject:** Re: Sexual Harassment Incident (NOT ME!)

Tony!

Is Natalie alright? Jason never seemed like the type.

Why is he in hospital?

Pepper Potts

CEO, Stark Industries

* * *

**To:** Pepper Potts

**From:** Tony Stark

**Subject:** Re: Re: Sexual Harassment Incident (NOT ME!)

Pep,

Ninja Natalie is fine.

Mr Roland is recovering from severe groin injuries in hospital.

Karma gets them all in the end.

_Accidents don't just happen. They must be carelessly planned._

* * *

**To:** Stark Tower

**From:** Tony Stark

**Subject:** Sexual Harassment Seminar

In lieu of the usual bi-annual sexual harassment seminar, please find attached footage from this morning's incident.

You have been warned.

Tony Stark

Genius, Billionaire, Playboy, Philanthropist

_Accidents don't just happen. They must be carelessly planned._

* * *

**To:** Stark Tower

**From:** Pepper Potts

**Subject:** Self-Defence Lunchtime Seminar

Miss Rushman has kindly agreed to host a one hour lunchtime session on self-defence for all those who wish to attend.

This will take place tomorrow at 12.30pm.

Pepper Potts

CEO, Stark Industries

* * *

**Darcy: **Thanks for the postcard.

**Darcy: **What are you doing in Monaco?

**Unknown:** Classified.

**Darcy:** Anything to do with those drug traffickers that were tied up and left in the middle of Monte Carlo.

**Unknown:** My mission has nothing to do with that.

**Darcy:** They were apparently ranting and raving about, and I quote, "a red-haired demon woman with killer curves".

**Unknown:** I had some free time on my hands.

* * *

**Nat: **I talked to Stark at his party earlier.

**Nat:** I think he may not be entirely "The Worst".

**Clint: **?

**Clint: **What has he done to you?

**Clint: **Is this Stockholm Syndrome?

**Clint: **Or has he been involved in mind control research without us finding out about it?

**Clint:** Blink twice if you need help.

**Nat: **…

**Nat:** This is a text conversation, Clint.

**Clint:** Then prove you're still you.

**Nat: **You're a hyper-competent spy and assassin, but also a human disaster.

**Nat:** You have a ridiculous obsession with Dog Cops and you love shitty beer.

**Nat:** Every time you tell the story about our Vegas mission last year, you add an extra three gunmen and two showgirls to the tale.

**Nat:** And when we were in Budapest you …

**Clint:** Ok, stop. I'm convinced.

**Clint: **No mind control going on.

**Clint: **But Dog Cops is awesome. And so is my beer.

**Clint:** And I'm reserving judgement on the Stockholm Syndrome situation.

* * *

**To:** Phil Coulson

**From:** Hawkeye

**Subject:** Stockholm Protocol

Sir,

I'm worried about Nat.

Yesterday she made a comment about Stark that could be construed as almost nice, for her at least.

I'm sure you will agree that this behaviour is out of character.

_Sometimes being an adult is exactly what you imagined it would be when you were five: staying up late and eating Lucky Charms for dinner._

* * *

**To:** Hawkeye

**From:** Phil Coulson

**Subject:** Stockholm Protocol

I think you may be overreacting a bit.

Agent Romanov is more than capable of looking after herself. After what she has endured, this mission should be more irritating than dangerous.

She survived Budapest without killing you – she can survive this.

Besides, Mr Stark does have a few redeeming qualities – though they are mostly connected to his relationship with Ms Potts.

Needless to say, if I hear about _any_ unauthorised recon missions near Stark Tower, I _will_ put you on the most tedious month-long observation post I can find.

I will also tell Natasha.

* * *

**Darcy: **Clint told me you're working at Stark Industries !

**Unknown:** Clint need to keep his mouth shut about covert operations.

**Unknown:** And I didn't peg you as a Stark fangirl.

**Darcy:** Meh. His technology is cool.

**Darcy:** But PEPPER POTTS !

**Darcy:** She is my idol. I totally want to be her when I grow up.

**Darcy:** I know Stark is the tech genius, but Pepper Potts is pretty much the only person he listens to. She is the amazing CEO of a billion dollar company and a total role model.

**Darcy:** Can you get me her autograph?

**Unknown:** I'll see what I can do.

**Darcy:** !

* * *

**Nat:** Stop telling Darcy about SHIELD operations.

**Clint:** She used the puppy-dog eyes.

**Clint:** And when that didn't work she just starting asking loads of other questions.

**Clint:** Normal stuff like what I'd had for breakfast, how many dogs I'd seen at the park, whether I'd broken another coffee mug.

**Clint:** She lulled me into a false sense of security and then went for the throat.

**Nat:** It astounds me how well she knows how to play you.

**Nat:** Phil's thinking about trying to recruit her when she's older.

**Nat:** Fury was … unenthusiastic about the idea.

**Clint:** I don't know whether to be proud or terrified or worried.

**Clint:** Probably all of the above.

* * *

**Darcy: **Thank you for the autograph

**Darcy:** I am totally framing it.

**Darcy:** And the Louboutins are beautiful. Even if I can't walk more than two steps in them without falling over.

**Unknown:** I'll teach you when I next visit.

**Unknown:** They make excellent weapons, even though it's a pain to get blood off them.

**Darcy:** Or maybe I'll just, you know, wear them to fancy dinners.

**Unknown:** They're good for that too.

* * *

**To:** Nick Fury

**cc:** Phil Coulson; Maria Hill

**From:** Black Widow

**Subject:** Tony Stark

I attach my report on Tony Stark's suitability for the Avengers Initiative.

The man is a mess, and a bit too much of a liability.

Still, there's something there, deep down.

There's more to him than I previously thought.

* * *

**Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed it.**


End file.
